Esa Promesa

I am currently experiencing something that I can never repeat, a once-in-a-lifetime experience from the nine lives and deaths I have lived through.

“Tei, try this.”

The sorbet, made by the chief royal chef who only cooks for the king, is being shoved into my mouth. After already filling my stomach with a full-course meal that one would normally only eat at a banquet, there was no way I could take another bite, so I shook my head.

“It’s fine.”

Seeing the slight clouding of Diver’s expression at my words, I flinched and eventually took the spoon from his hand and ate the sorbet. As soon as I did, his face brightened instantly, as if it had never been cloudy. I glanced at him for a moment before quickly turning my gaze away.

The moment I turned my gaze, I was struck by the sight of decorations and furniture that would easily cost the price of an entire castle. Was it just furniture? The bedding on the bed I was sitting on, too, was made from such rare materials that only one set could be created every ten years.

How did I end up in a place like this?

It’s all thanks to Diver. Or rather, because of him.

I woke up in this place after fainting in Raspeim’s arms. So, this place is Diver’s bedroom, and I found myself lying comfortably in the king’s bed, tucked under a blanket.

At first, I thought I was dreaming. Only the king and queen could lie in the king’s bedroom. If it weren’t for Diver’s face, which was staring at me as soon as I opened my eyes, and the scenery behind him, I would have thought it was just a nightmare.

But unfortunately, I realized it wasn’t a dream when I saw Diver’s bright smile as he looked at me.

Ordinary people would have thought it was a nightmare when they saw Diver smiling, but I accepted that this situation, his smile, and the scenery behind him, along with the sensation of being wrapped in the blanket, were harsh realities.

Because, in my mind, I didn’t possess the kind of grand imagination that could envision Diver smiling so brightly.

“Um, Your Majesty.”

“Mm?”

I placed the empty sorbet bowl and spoon on the side table and cautiously observed Diver’s expression. Strangely enough, he seemed to be in a very good mood. Despite having just moistened my throat with sorbet, my mouth suddenly felt dry.

“There’s something I want to ask.”

“Go ahead.”

I tried my best to please Diver, eating as he wished and taking the medicine. After watching me finish the slightly bitter sorbet, clearly made from herbs, Diver seemed satisfied, and his voice sounded warmer than usual.

I maintained my expression carefully as I asked something that had been on my mind since waking up here, something I had been too hesitant to ask until now.

“Um… did you… kill them?”

I could feel my mouth drying with nervousness. Diver does not lie.

When Raspeim had brought me back to the palace, if Diver had already been awake, as he had said, he would have killed Asyan, who helped me, and the people I had brushed past.

“What answer are you hoping for?”

“The good one.”

“You should know that what’s good for me isn’t necessarily good for you.”

Diver gently held my hand with his.

“For the record, what’s good for me is making sure everyone you care about is thoroughly killed. You know this, but I’m possessive like that.”

It was nonsense, but from long experience, I knew Diver was just being playful. A relieved smile naturally appeared on my face.

“So you didn’t kill them.”

“…No.”

“Thank you, Your Majesty.”

“……”

His gray eyes widened, looking like a full moon. The silvery hue of his eyes appeared especially pale, contrasting sharply with Raspeim’s eyes. As I gazed into them, I felt I couldn’t ignore my guilt any longer.

“I’m sorry for worrying you.”

At my words, Diver’s expression twisted. Why? Just as I tried to study his face closely, he lowered his head deeply. His forehead touched the uninjured shoulder, and though the weight felt barely noticeable, it somehow felt like a massive stone pressing against me.

“Your Majesty? What’s wrong?”

“When I opened my eyes, you were gone.”

I felt Diver’s hand, which was holding my hand, tremble faintly. My tongue went stiff.

“The moment I tried to get up to look for you, Raspeim appeared and told me what had happened to you. He explained why you were injured.”

Damn Raspeim. This dragon king had been watching from the start.

There’s no particular reason Diver and Raspeim don’t get along. It’s just racial hatred. Their personalities are remarkably alike… though Diver is a little less bad.

“When I saw you lying there, I thought you were dead.”

The body pressed against mine trembled like this, yet his voice remained unchanged. I wanted to look at his face, but with his forehead resting on my shoulder, I couldn’t see his expression. I wanted to see his face, to understand what emotions were behind the trembling, and to comfort this little brat, as I had always done.

The moment I thought this, Diver lifted his head, as if reading my thoughts. Our eyes met.

I felt my heart drop. His moist gray eyes. There were no tears, but they looked as though they were crying, making the sight even more sorrowful.

Why?

There was an emotion in those gray eyes that did not belong to Diver. Fear. Diver was afraid. He was being consumed by that fear, trembling like this in front of me, so unstable.

Could this be a continuation of a dream? No, it wasn’t a dream. I had never once wished for Diver to look at me with such an expression, not even in my dreams. I had never imagined it.

This was real.

“Teian.”

Diver’s fingers intertwined with mine, holding my hand tightly, like clutching a lifeline. His touch, desperate for me to hold him back, made my tongue stiffen.

This felt unfamiliar.

The boy I had been with for 15 years, the one who was so familiar to me, now felt so alien.

“I’m afraid of losing you. Every time I fall asleep and wake up, I’m terrified that someone will tell me you’re dead. I can’t sleep because I’m so scared. Teian, I don’t want to lose you.”

His voice, filled with sadness, sounded like a quiet scream. Diver was not the kind of person to speak like this just to hold onto me.

Who was the Diver I had watched for 15 years? What misunderstandings had I been harboring all this time? How foolish I was. I had misunderstood so terribly.

Diver had told me he liked me. I had thought it was just a lie, a false confession to atone for his past wrongs or out of sympathy for the suffering he had caused me.

But it wasn’t. Diver was sincere.

“Your Majesty.”

I knew my voice was trembling, but I was desperate.

“I just have to ask, but… when you told me you liked me before, was that… sincere?”

Diver furrowed his brow. His reaction, like that of someone hearing something unbelievable, made the anxiety that had been gnawing at me slowly fade away, and I couldn’t help but feel a sense of euphoria.

Yes, I had been foolish. Diver was so skilled that I had been deceived, and now, I realized he had been playing such a great act. All he had to do was laugh at me. Tell me he didn’t love me, that he had only been toying with me because I was annoying.

“‘Like,’ huh. That’s right. I’m sorry, but Teian, forget that I ever said that.”

Only then could I smile. I was so happy that my expression couldn’t be contained. At this moment, Diver looked incredibly endearing to me. Even though his warmth from holding my hand still lingered, it didn’t matter. He had lied about liking me, so everything else was irrelevant…

“I’ll say it again. I love you.”

“…What?”

“Teian, I love you. If you’re not by my side, living won’t feel worth it. So, stay with me. I need you.”

His expression, devoid of any trace of humor, showed that he was sincere.

Diver loved me.

“This isn’t something I expect an answer to. While I waited for you to wake up, I regretted not being honest with you. So I thought I should keep telling you the truth from now on.”

I saw Diver’s face subtly flush. His gray eyes, narrow and trembling, remained fixed on me. Diber was looking at me with the expression of someone deeply in love.

It felt like I couldn’t breathe.

“I won’t hide anything from you in the future… Teian?”

“I- I’m sorry, Your Majesty.”

My thoughts didn’t form. I responded reflexively, but I couldn’t even tell if it was the right thing to say.

Should I just slam my head against the bed and faint? Why, of all people, does Diver have to say he loves me? It wasn’t that I wasn’t happy. But the fear outweighed the joy.

I could never return Diver’s affection. I was already deceiving him.

I didn’t deserve to be loved, and I certainly didn’t deserve to hurt him.

Just like always, it was time to say the words I had said to those who had willingly shared their love with me throughout the lives I had lived.