Enigma of Sin

Carter opened his eyes to find himself in his own bed at home. Thinking that everything was just a bad dream he took in a deep breath to calm himself down. However, it was at this moment he realized something was wrong, he couldn't smell anything. His room normally had a pine tree smell as he liked to use an air freshener in his room.

"Hello Carter," a voice rang out around the room, but without waiting for him to answer it continued. "What a pitiful life you have lived so far, even I almost feel sorry for you. But alas, I don't feel emotions as you humans do or even as a typical existence of this universe would."

"Who are you? What are you evening talking about?" Carter stated.

'I must be having a dream where my subconscious is berating me for the life I've lived. They must have put me on some strong sedation drugs or I'm currently in a coma.' Carter deduced as he couldn't think of any other explanation to this circumstance.

"Who am I? This you might find out in time, but what I'm interested in is obviously you and your life. While it wasn't too bad up until the last year, it wasn't anything worth mentioning either." The voice rang out with mockery.

"Well Mr. Voice, I'm obviously dreaming and you're probably just a part of my subconscious that is trying to blaming me for everything, so I don't see the point in talking to you." For a moment the voice was silent, however, a loud bout of laughter erupted and soon after the voice spoke again.

"Well, you don't have much of a choice either way then! You're not waking up any time soon, so why not talk to me? I guess I'll just talk at you regardless of what you want, so make it a little more interesting for the both of us."

"Fine, what is it you want to talk about?" Carter blandly stated without much emotion.

"You! Obviously, I find you a very interesting existence. Such rage that brings wrath and judgement upon someone who harmed you and your family. I like it. We will return to this topic later, for now amuse me and tell me about this last year and the emotions you've felt at each step of your journey." The voice mused.

"Well since you're just me, you already know everything. Why should I restate what you already know?" questioned Carter.

"Pretend that I'm not you or some part of your subconscious as you put it. Tell me your story as you would to a therapist, since that's what awaits you when you wake up. Better to practice faking your emotions and that blank face you normally wear beforehand, no?" 

Carter's eyelid twitched as he heard this statement from the voice. He knew he typically hid his emotions behind a wall and only openly showed them in private, but why is his subconscious trying to make things more difficult for his already jumbled emotions?

"Since I don't have anything else to do, fine, maybe it will help me straighten out my own thoughts for what is to come.

"This last fall, I started my 4th and last year of undergraduate university. I am studying chemistry with minor studies in biology and Spanish. While my grades are not at the top of my class due to being distracted with work and video games on occasion, I am still in the top 5%, even scoring in the 95th percentile for the MCAT.

"However, at the start of the fall semester, my grandmother who I was very close with passed away after a long battle with cancer. I was enraged, mad at the world, mad at God, mad at myself for not being old enough to do anything to help. I'm even growing my hair out in order to donate it for people with cancer."

The voice lightly scoffed and laughed at the phrase "mad at God" but Carter brushed it off and continued.

"I was very close with my grandmother, so I was devastated and became depressed, I don't need a mocking subconscious to tell me or remind me of that.

"I began to become a recluse and couldn't muster the energy to leave bed, much less do my school work. My grades had all dropped to the levels where the school put me on academic probation, which in the end made me more depressed.

"During this time, my girlfriend, who was my pillar and who I was planning on proposing to, left me. The best part is that she cheated on me and had sex with some guy in one of her classes when we hadn't even had sex before. I confronted her, but naively thought we could work it out. Two weeks later, and now two months ago, I was broken up with on social media.

"I was so upset and mad that I wanted to break everything around me. I wanted to go to her home and yell at her. I wanted to find the guy she cheated on me with and beat him into a pulp, not that I could because I'm shorter than average and he's huge, but I am a relatively good fighter and wanted to try.

"So not only am I depressed, lost my parents, my love and pillar, my grandmother, and potentially my career, now I'll be going to jail a virgin and remain that way for who knows how long."

"Well, if that comes to pass you may not be a virgin for long. Though, I doubt you'll lose your virginity in the way you want to! Ahahahahaha!" The voice laughed so hard it sounded like it was crying.

Scrunching up his eyes and rubbing his temples Carter finally lost his patience and asked a question.

"Well, since I told you my story and explained my emotions, can I go back to a dreamless sleep now please? You're my subconscious right? Just leave me alone."

"Far from that little Carter, let me explain what I know of what the rest of your life will be like," the voice stated.

"Let's see here, the year is currently 2010 of the new age in this world called Earth, so let's begin what will happen once you awaken.

"First, you will be judged and sentenced to manslaughter rather than homicide, and will be sent to a psychiatric prison ward for several years. This is because your mental state is quite unsteady and with that emotionless mask you wear, you will be thought to display sociopathic tendencies.

"After being released you will begin to work your way up a retail chain to gain a management position, but at the same time discover alcohol. It's as this point, you meet the woman who you propose to and end up marrying. Shortly after your marriage a pandemic that changes this world and how it works will hit."

"Wait wait wait," Carter interrupted. "I get married? Who is she and how do I meet her earlier??"

The voice was stunned for a second before it continued, "All of that and you picked out the marriage part, you are only thinking with your lower head, aren't you? However, she is a beautiful red-head. That is beside the point though since you will end up even more depressed due to the changes in the world.

"Due to this depression, you quit your job and your life falls into the bottle. Your wife will eventually leave you because you're a pathetic drunk and she can't stand it any longer."

"I would never do that to someone I love!" Carter interrupted and shouted as he felt outraged at the statements made by the voice.

"Don't say never, people do things and make mistakes they always said they never would, but in the end, they still do it.

"So how does this story end you ask? You decide to drink at a bar for the first time in years rather than at home and sit behind the wheel of your car. Inebriated, you run a red light while speeding and kill an entire family, including young children.

"Now, while I can't see into the future exactly, every possibility ends up with the same result. Alcohol wins, you lose and destroy others' lives."

"Whatever, you're just a voice from part of my subconscious, not some omniscient being like the God of Christianity is supposed to be. I'm just dreaming and even if what you said is all true, what can I do about it? If that's what fate and destiny have put in my path, I don't have much of a chance to change it besides killing myself."

"Oh? Why do you keep mentioning him?" the voice sneered. "Also, what if I tell you I can offer you another path to follow?" the voice asked.

As Carter tilted his head and lifted his eyebrow he quizzically looked into the air and asked, "A different path?"

"Yes, I have an offer for you Carter Pierce."