Dial H for Heroics

Jack and Elaine waited as Bea came into the main room. He put a smile on.

“Jack?,” asked Bea. She paused as she saw them sitting together. “Are you going to

talk to me too.”

“Nope,” said Jack. “We’re trying to decide if we should quietly neck, or try out some

other things. I was just telling Elaine that I’m a screamer so if she wanted to do a lot,

we might have to use her room instead of mine.”

“Really?,” said Elaine. She seemed to shake her head in the dark.

“Like a kicked kid,” said Jack. “It’s almost like a yodel.”

“Are you mocking me?,” asked Bea.

“Is that a serious question?,” asked Jack. “Because you know better than to ask

something like that.”

“Do you want to sit with us?,” said Elaine. “I feel like I need a chaperone.”

“I think I want to be alone,” said Beatrice. She looked at them. “How do you put

up with these restrictions? I just want to be courted. Is that too much? I am not a

child.”

“Sit down, Bea,” said Jack. The glow of his watch indicated his arm moving to point

at a place at the table. She settled in a chair. “We’re not going to talk about your

boyfriend. We’re not going to talk about meeting him which we totally should have

done by now if we were your real parents. We’re not even going to talk about you

being on the street when the Montrose picked you up. We’re not going to talk about

any of that. We’re going to stay on neutral ground and talk about other things such

as Elaine and I are invited to a wedding when it happens and we should have

something to wear. What would look good on Elaine for this? I want her to make

every female guest cry in her presence at her glorious appearance.”

“Cry?,” asked Elaine.

“I would rather they rip their eyeballs out in jealousy knowing they will never be as

beautiful as you,” said Jack. He shrugged. “I’ll take what I can get.”

“Dresses for events are all finery and ruffles,” said Bea. “They weigh heavily as you

move.”

“Maybe something sheer,” said Jack.

“No,” said Elaine. “I don’t like transparent clothes.”

“I don’t know,” said Bea. “Elaine looks good in everything. And it’s natural. She

doesn’t have to work at it like most women.”

“Hair up, or down?,” asked Jack. They could see his watch move to indicate where

his hands were.

“I think hair up is the standard,” said Elaine.

“I think it depends on what dress she picks to wear,” said Bea. “Some are made for

the hair to be down, some aren’t.”

“Colors?,” asked Jack. “I think she favors greens, darker blues.”

“I think wedding dresses are light colors,” said Bea. “I am not sure. Maybe lighter

shades of blue and green would be the way to go.”

“We could ask the tailor lady,” said Jack. “What do you think?”

“The tailor lady?,” asked Bea.

“Josie got her clothes from a tailor lady,” said Jack. “That was right after we got here,

but before the inn burned down. I went back and got them for her.”

“Did you burn down the inn?,” asked Bea.

“No,” said Jack.

“Yes,” said Elaine. “I thought it was a good idea at the time.”

“You burned down an inn?,” said Bea. “And it was a good idea?”

“Some of the adventurers there were threatening to do worse,” said Elaine. “I

just beat them to doing that before they killed the owners themselves.”

“I hope Fass appreciates the trouble you went to,” said Jack.

“I didn’t do it for him,” said Elaine.

“Why haven’t you told us this?,” asked Beatrice.

“Does it change things?,” said Elaine. “The only reason Jack knows is I told him so

he wouldn’t think I am harmless.”

“Helpless,” said Jack. “I already knew you weren’t harmless. I just didn’t expect you

were more ready for trouble than that.”

“I have been on my own for a while,” said Elaine.

“And that’s why I think you’ll make a great wife for someone like me,” said Jack.

“You’re responsible, lovely, and a touch dangerous.”

“Josie wants Todd to come to the dinner tomorrow,” said Beatrice. “I don’t know

if he is ready to meet all of you.”

“The good thing is she’ll be halfway across the country with the quinjet with Fass’s

Fighters when this goes down,” said Jack. “We should plan for her to be back though.

Depending on what she needs to do, she could solve their problem jiffity quick.”

“Jiffity?,” said Elaine and Beatrice.

“That’s what I said,” said Jack. He leaned back in his chair. “We should ask their

guys to come too if they get back in time.”

“We’re looking at a large guest list,” said Elaine. “That will mean a large amount of

supplies and a long time cooking.”

“I can handle the cooking,” said Jack. “The main thing will be the supplies. I should

have asked Lord Cilt and Madeline to the party. I’ll go do that when we’re done

planning. The main thing is getting enough to feed let’s say twenty people.”

“Twenty?,” said Beatrice. “Why twenty?”

“There’s going to be me and Elaine,” said Jack. “That’s two. You kids is six more so

that’s eight. The Harps and Guin and Linus is twelve. If the Duke shows up, he’s not

coming alone so say five more. That’s seventeen. Todd is eighteen. The Cilts are

twenty. Fass’s Fighters and Josie is ten more. So thirty. So we should plan for forty

more or less. That’s a lot of food if they all show up. I can handle the cooking, but

you might have to get a cart to bring back everything. This room is not big enough

for that many people.”

“Expand the room?,” asked Elaine.

“I’ll just move the table outside and make it bigger so everyone has a place,” said

Jack. “What do you think, Bea?”

“I don’t know if Todd knows anything about cooking,” said Beatrice.

“I don’t need him to help me do that,” said Jack. “I do need him to help serve the

food. Does he have any skills with that?”

“I think so,” said Beatrice. “I don’t really know.”

“All right,” said Jack. “I’ll have to think about a menu. I don’t think this will be

something to improvise.”

“You probably should have asked for your guests to send a notice that they are

coming,” said Elaine.

“I should have,” said Jack. He grinned at her. “I didn’t think about that. This is a kind

of spur of the moment thing.”

“I imagine,” said Elaine. “I’ll grab a cart full of ingredients. I will be interested

in what you come up with for everyone.”

“I’ll send out notices so everyone knows that we are waiting on them,” said Jack.

“That will be good. Tell your boyfriend to be here at sundown, Bea. I am going to

assume that you will be able to talk to him at the Hall while you’re there for your

lessons.”

“All right,” said Beatrice. “Aren’t you going to talk to me about responsibility?”

“Why would I do that when I can practice my dad talk?,” said Jack. He put on his

gruff voice. “Boy, Bea may not look like much but I put in a lot of work for her just

to look as good as she does, but if something was to happen to her, I will rip your skin

off and turn it into a pair of underwear. And then I will give that underwear to the

slimiest monster I can find to wear. Are you hearing the boot that’s coming down,

boy? Because it will be kicking your face in.”

“Please don’t do that,” said Beatrice. “Please for the love of all that is holy, don’t do

that.”

“I wish my D.I. was here,” said Jack. “I don’t think he’s as good as a Marine D.I., but

he would have some gems. I wonder if I can ask Josie to send him a letter so he can

write back with suggestions.”

“Don’t do that either,” said Beatrice. “I don’t want to be embarrassed at this meeting.”

“You don’t have a natural family, do you?,” asked Elaine. “This is your family for

better and worse?”

“I guess so,” said Beatrice.

“The first rule of families are they will embarrass you,” said Jack. “It’s a natural

extension of things. Be glad that Josie doesn’t have cute pictures of you as a baby to

show off.”

“I don’t think she would do that,” said Beatrice. “She doesn’t seem that sentimental.”

“Takes after her mother,” said Jack. “That’s not always a good thing. Is that

everything?”

“What was Josie’s mother like?,” asked Beatrice.

“Why?,” said Jack.

“Josie said she has been on her own for longer than I have been alive,” said Beatrice.

“I shouldn’t have said the Ducklings aren’t my sisters, but when I said it, I was

thinking they were using ties to bind me. Then she said that she had been alone for

longer.”

“Ask Josie,” said Jack. “Maybe she will tell you. Now I think it is time for Elaine use

me to test out the soundproofing of the walls before I fall into a sleep cuddled up with

her.”

“Lord Cilt has to come first,” said Elaine. “Then we can see what a yodel is.”

“I’m not sharing you with him,” said Jack. “Oh. I misheard. I have to drop off the

invitation and give him time to get to the city from his estate. You’re right.”

“I will go with you if you want,” said Elaine.

“That would be great,” said Jack. “Beatrice, I am sure your sisters are still up and

waiting for you to talk to them about this Todd. I reserve the right to fix his face if he

is ugly.”

“I reserve the right to shoot him with my crossbow if he is rude,” said Elaine.

“You’re not going to give me advice on this?,” said Beatrice.

“Do you want me too?,” said Jack. “Elaine is a lot better than I am about giving good

advice. The only thing I can tell you is don’t let this guy say anything rude to Josie

if she makes it back before the dinner is over. You don’t want to see what could

happen if that happens.”

“Her curse was bad enough,” said Elaine. “You don’t want your boyfriend put under

a curse to make him love you. Either he does, or he doesn’t. Making him love you is

not real, and you will know and resent it.”

“She is getting good with that stuff,” said Jack. “I don’t think I gave her enough credit

since she was using blunt force more than she should. Subtle workings is something

I thought she wouldn’t get the hang of since she tended to operate the other way.”

“I will do what I can to let him know to avoid her,” said Beatrice. “Please don’t

embarrass me in front of him.”

“I will do what I can,” said Jack. “I will probably be too busy to deal with him in

person.”

“I will speak highly of you, Beatrice,” said Elaine. “We should give Lord Cilt his

invitation before we turn in. Tomorrow will be a long day.”

“I don’t think we have enough chairs,” said Jack. “I will have to fix that before

everyone shows up.”

“Forty people is a lot,” said Elaine. “We’ll work on that tomorrow. Maybe we can

borrow some.”

“All right,” said Jack. He stood up and held out a hand for Elaine to take as she stood.

“Beatrice, I am not going to say that I am your dad, or anything like that. I don’t feel

responsible for you. I have a job to do, and protecting you to the best of my ability is

part of that so I can have a base to use for my job. Not hurting your significant other’s

feelings is not on my agenda. I will do the best that I can to spare your feelings

because you are my friend, and my friend who does feel responsible for you and my

beloved think well of you. Now we’re going to make sure we have the invites ready

and placed where our guests can find them, then we’re going to come back and do

things that adults do. Then the morning will bring a lot of work for me and I will be

a little grumpy about that.”

“Does Josie think well of me?,” said Beatrice. “I didn’t know that.”

“Just because she doesn’t say it, doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel it,” said Jack. “Now

we have to go. Josie is flying you to the hall in the morning, so be ready for that.”

“The loon part is theatrics,” said Beatrice. “I should have seen that.”

“Not everyone is as dumb as they look,” said Jack. “I will see you in the morning.”

He smiled at Elaine. She smiled back.

“Shall we fly to the ends of eternity and beyond on the wings of our love?,” said Jack.

“That would be nice if we could manage it,” said Elaine.

They walked into the living room to use the stargate to get to the ship so he could

carry them to their destination.