Delusive Fate

#096

Yeah… he must be mentally ill. Kim Young-chul couldn’t come to any other conclusion about the surreal situation before him.

Apart from his appearance, Lee Han-sol looked like a prim and proper person. The type who would inwardly recoil at someone like Kim Young-chul, thinking, “What’s with that thug? Ugh, how vulgar.” He gave off the impression that he’d be quick to avoid rather than engage with someone like him, breaking out in hives from mere contact. Honestly… standing there with one leg cocked and glaring, Kim Young-chul felt like he was watching a funny movie.

Huh, seriously. Ha, this is ridiculous. What kind of crazy… After snorting in disbelief for a while, Kim Young-chul slowly got up. He put the cigarette he had been holding between his left index finger and thumb into his mouth, then waved his hand at Lee Han-sol.

“Hey, just go. I’ll let you off this time. Man, I’ve seen all sorts of crazy people in my life. A guy who’s not even worth one punch, trying to act tough… Huh, seriously.”

Kim Young-chul usually had a pretty tough-guy personality and never let other men off easy. But when he tried to meet Lee Han-sol’s eyes and curse at him, he suddenly felt stifled, as if his words were stuck in his throat. As if he was doing something he shouldn’t as a human being… It was embarrassing and shameful that his heart softened just because a guy was a bit pretty, but Kim Young-chul decided to be generous for once.

‘It’s not because he’s pretty, but because he seems mentally ill and I pity him.’

A pathetic guy who looks like he’d fly away if I flicked him is picking a fight with me? He must be out of his mind. Looking at that face, thinking he’s crazy makes him even more pitiful, tsk.

Kim Young-chul took deep puffs of his cigarette, secretly claiming mental victory. The smoke he inhaled deeply into his lungs billowed out not just from his mouth but also from both nostrils. That’s when it happened.

“You bastard, put out that cigarette if you don’t want to die.”

“…What? What did you just say?”

“I said put out that damn cigarette if you don’t want to die, you son of a bitch. Why can’t you understand? Looking at your features, it doesn’t seem like your head is just for decoration, but why are you smoking so rudely on the street? Because of you, I have to smell this fucking cigarette smoke on my way home, and my mood has gone from bad to worse… How are you going to take responsibility for this, you toxic gas of a bastard…”

This is your last warning. You know, I’m already living a shitty life? My life’s already ruined, so I don’t care if you’re a civilian or whatever, put out that cigarette. Before I kill you.

Lee Han-sol warned with pure sincerity. He glared at Kim Young-chul, or more precisely, at the cigarette in Kim Young-chul’s mouth and the smoke billowing from his nose and mouth like a kettle. As he watched, thump, thump, thump! Lee Han-sol’s heart began to beat more violently. In an instant, anger surged, and heat coursed through his entire body.

This is why, this is why I can’t wear thick clothes even in this weather. Because all sorts of miserable bastards choose to do miserable things and make people who see them boil with anger.

Lee Han-sol was extremely angry. He had been in this state constantly since Jung Yi-dam had once again thrown a bomb into his life, leaving it in ruins. Intense murderous intent would surge unexpectedly, and he couldn’t control it. He had already made up his mind when he remained in the house Jung Yi-dam had left, trembling with resentment as he smashed all the familiar objects.

From now on, I’m going to live recklessly. I won’t think about anything. I’ll screw everyone else over too.

Lee Han-sol decided to live as he pleased and thought he wouldn’t even wish for real death anymore. If Jung Yi-dam would also obtain the death he so desperately sought when Lee Han-sol finally gained the freedom he had longed for and could die…

Do you think I’d let that happen?

Lee Han-sol felt burning anger. Hatred boiled within him. He wanted revenge.

Jung Yi-dam, you ruined me. I’ll keep living the way you ruined me till the end. So you just stay broken too.

Jung Yi-dam had said, in a very plaintive voice, that he had been waiting for Lee Han-sol to change and take his hand. That Lee Han-sol was the only person who could exploit the flaws in the system to destroy this world and give him a true ending. That Lee Han-sol was the only supporting character involved in the main story, that there was no one else but him… Jung Yi-dam had laid out such words almost like moans. Then suddenly, he smiled with an innocent face devoid of any remorse, saying that all of this happened because Lee Han-sol was that kind of person, and it was all his fault.

After parting with Jung Yi-dam, Lee Han-sol, steeped in anger, chewed over his words for a long time. He finally decided.

Alright, Jung Yi-dam… As you said, we’re the only two in this world with a mutual understanding. Let’s live together in this miserable world, repeating the same time over and over. You’ll never be loved, and you’ll never be able to die. I’ll make sure of that. By doing nothing at all.

As if to prove this resolve, Lee Han-sol shattered everything with Ki Baek-woo and ran out of the house. He chewed his lips until the tender inner flesh tore. He thought millions of times in his heart that he would never love Ki Baek-woo again. Whatever the truth was, there was nothing that could be undone now.

In this state, Lee Han-sol, who had crossed over to B District, was out of his mind. He was extremely sensitive and couldn’t control his emotions at all.

He was truly on the verge of going completely insane. So, he was already crazy, but he was dangerously close to letting go of all consciousness. He was afraid he might run out naked, claiming he was looking for aliens, or scream that he wasn’t human but a reptile, that there were listening devices in his ears, “You bastards, do you think I don’t know you’re pretending to be human in this doomed world? Hot dog world, hot dog world, quack quack quack!” He was scared, and being scared made him angry again, and he thought that if it was going to be like this, he wished everyone else would go crazy too, that he just wanted to kill them all.

Fuck, fuck, fuck! Because the anger and anxiety wouldn’t subside, Lee Han-sol kept pacing around the cramped interior of the hotel room where he was temporarily staying until moving day. Just like an animal that had gone crazy from being caged… Lee Han-sol desperately wanted to stop thinking. He didn’t want to be alone at all because he was scared of the thoughts that wouldn’t stop.

Lee Han-sol jumped up. He rushed out onto the street just like that.

As he wandered aimlessly, an empty drink can rolled and hit his feet in slippers. Looking up, he saw a young man nearby. The man who made a strangely embarrassed expression when their eyes met. Lee Han-sol instinctively felt that this man had thrown the can at his feet. He got angry.

Why do you throw trash on the street where I can see it? Why are you provoking me when I’m already about to go crazy? Leave me alone. What did I do wrong? I really want to kill you. I really feel like I’m going to go insane… Lee Han-sol called out to the man with gritted teeth.

“Hey.”

“…Yes? Me?”

“Yeah, you bastard. Who else is here besides you? Hey, pick it up.”

“What?”

“Is the street your trash can? I said pick it up.”

“What… No, but who are you to speak so rudely to a stranger? Whether I throw it on the street or not, who are you to order me to pick it up? They hire street cleaners for that kind of thing, why are you making a fuss? Who are you?”

“Ha, if I tell you to pick it up, just pick it up… Why does an environmental vandal bastard like you have so much to say… Really, even the most despicable things are making me angry…”

“What? Hey, what did you just say? Ha, I was trying to let this go nicely, but I guess not. Hey, you lunatic. Say that again.”

The man, provoked by Lee Han-sol’s quiet muttering as if he was sick of it all, strode over. He pushed Lee Han-sol’s shoulder repeatedly, getting worked up.

“I’m really going to lose it…”

Snap. At that moment, Lee Han-sol felt something important break inside him. Simultaneously, his fist struck the right side of the man’s face. Thud! With a dull sound, the man fell backward. Lee Han-sol beat the man thoroughly until the feeling of going insane subsided a little.

From that point on, Lee Han-sol was a runaway train. His fuel was anger, and his anger welled up endlessly like the sea.

Lee Han-sol started to pick fights immediately whenever he saw something he didn’t like, no matter where he was. If words didn’t work, he threw punches. He decided to just live recklessly. If he got angry, he’d smash everything, and if he wanted to kill, he’d kill right away. He should just vent his anger on shitty bastards every day and not think about anything. He absolutely wouldn’t… wouldn’t think about things like Jung Yi-dam or Ki Baek-woo, even if it killed him.

Lee Han-sol compulsively went out to avoid thinking. There wasn’t a single day that passed quietly, and he got into altercations up to two or three times a day. Four days ago, he fought with a guy who was trying to illegally dump trash next to a utility pole. Three days ago, with a guy who was kicking a stray cat that was just minding its own business. Two days ago, with a guy who was urinating on someone else’s wall. He wasn’t deliberately looking for fights, but weird guys appeared without fail every single day. Lee Han-sol’s pessimism and distrust in humanity deepened day by day.

And today. On his way back from spending meaningless time with Seo Hee-ju in the bustling downtown area, Kim Young-chul caught his eye.

Lee Han-sol glared contemptuously at Kim Young-chul, who had been blabbering about how he was going to let him off because he was pretty, but now it seemed impossible, and how he thought Lee Han-sol was getting cocky because of his face, but he was going to teach him a lesson today. Feeling that gaze, Kim Young-chul, already sporting a red bruise from being hit properly, lowered his eyes and hunched his shoulders.

“Hey, pick up the cigarette butt.”

“Yes, sir.”

Kim Young-chul quickly squatted down to pick up the cigarette butt he had discarded. Having underestimated Lee Han-sol and gotten beaten up, Kim Young-chul was now trembling, thoroughly disciplined.

Whether Kim Young-chul was a thug who had thrown a few punches or not, Lee Han-sol was a hunter seasoned in fighting inside the Gate. Aside from abilities, there wasn’t much physical difference between the Awakened and non-Awakened, but it was impossible for an ordinary person to surpass a hunter’s combat sense honed from facing monsters. This was a major reason why hunters didn’t clash with civilians, apart from legal restrictions, and Lee Han-sol, who had lost his grip on sanity, ordered regardless.

“Eat it.”

“Huh?”

“I said eat it, you bastard. Put that cigarette butt you threw in your mouth right now.”

“Sir, I’m sorry, but eating this is a bit… Couldn’t it kill me?”

“Why are you smoking something you can’t even eat on a street where everyone walks…? Do you really want to die?”

“I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”

“If you’re sorry, then eat it. You know, I met another guy like you before? He didn’t die from eating a cigarette butt. So while I’m still being nice, you swallow it too. I’m tired to death because of you, so don’t waste any more time and eat it, then get lost.”

Damn it, don’t make me angrier. As Lee Han-sol threatened by raising his palm, Kim Young-chul quickly put the cigarette butt in his mouth and swallowed it. Ugh, ugh. While dry heaving and watching Lee Han-sol’s reaction, Kim Young-chul saw his gesture to leave and quickly ran into the building next door.

“What a despicable bastard… Really makes me want to kill them all…”

Muttering gloomily to himself, Lee Han-sol turned around to continue on his way home.

“Ah.”

A man standing blankly at the entrance of the alley made a stupid sound. The tall man, unlike Kim Young-chul from earlier, had a smooth face. His clean skin gleamed brightly, as if desperately trying not to show off, “Hello, I’m a well-off person who’s never experienced hardship.” His sharp nose bridge and well-defined eyebrows that matched were particularly noticeable. Lee Han-sol thought indifferently, “So there are guys who look like this in B District too.” Then, as a face suddenly came to mind, he felt his mood plummet.

“Fuck, suddenly thinking of Ki Baek-woo and shit, how annoying…”

Why am I thinking about whether Ki Baek-woo’s eyebrows are handsome or not?

Lee Han-sol, with his mouth tightly shut, walked dragging his slippers. The man kept standing there making sounds like “Uh, well… um,” but when Lee Han-sol passed by without even glancing at him, he closed his mouth with a “hap.”

Lee Han-sol, feeling that gaze following him on his back, thought almost habitually, I want to kill him.