Crazy Britain:They’re All Raising Me

[Your skill "Shield Throw Mastery" has leveled up.]

[Shield Throw Mastery · B]

[Though not originally designed for this purpose, after endless honing, your shield has become a deadly weapon in your hands, capable of effects that defy common understanding.]

[You can now guarantee the accuracy of the next five attacks after throwing your shield, or have it strike four targets in one go before precisely returning to your hand.]

[You may also send the shield arcing upward upon impact, only to strike a preselected location several seconds later.]

[Furthermore, as your technique improves, you can now infuse your other abilities into your shield before throwing it, creating unique and powerful attacks.]

[You can combine "Heavy Strike" with the Hunter Rune: Powder Keg, causing the attack to deal increased damage and explode on contact, sweeping across multiple enemies.]

[You can combine "Swift Strike" with the Hunter Rune: Overload, drastically increasing its speed and infusing it with lightning damage and conduction. Enemies affected by the conduction status will be linked by lightning.]

[You can combine "Skillful Strike" with the Hunter Rune: Blood Curse, creating an erratic flight path that targets openings in enemy defenses and directly bypasses outer armor to strike their vital organs.]

[Because you engage in numerous battles daily—often while already injured or exhausted—you've acquired a new skill: Valor in Desperation]

[Valor in Desperation · B]

[The closer you are to death, the closer you draw to the true essence of martial prowess. Your attributes increase based on how wounded you are, and you are more likely to achieve breakthroughs in combat, pushing your skill to new heights.]

[Due to the slaughter of countless Phantasmal Species, your very presence now reeks of blood. You've acquired a new skill: Monster Hunter]

[Monster Hunter · B]

[You gain "Anti-Phantasmal Species · Medium" and "Anti-Beast · High". Weaker Phantasmal Species or beasts will be intimidated by your presence, and may even obey your commands. However, this obedience is rooted in fear—should they leave your immediate vicinity or sense weakness in you, they will flee or turn on you.]

—Ah, I see now. Enhanced abilities and some... modding, huh?

In the real world, Guinevere looked over his updated skill list with considerable satisfaction.

Effort pays off—training hard had yielded results. And these upgrades? Absolutely delicious.

"Shield Throw Mastery" alone was fantastic. Area-of-effect attacks, on-demand mechanics, and even true damage—while it couldn't compare to Lancelot's ridiculous mobility, invulnerability frames, giant AoE, unselectable status, and vampiric burst, at least he now had some mechanics of his own. From caveman to dimensional alien in one patch.

Then there was "Valor in Desperation"… Basically, it's just Red Tearstone Ring from Dark Souls, right? Normally it's a high-risk buff for pro speedrunners, but for him, with his demon-form regeneration, he could theoretically stay at low HP indefinitely to enjoy constant full-boosted stats.

In other words—juicy.

As for "Monster Hunter"? Okay, it seemed a bit meh in comparison, but even that wasn't bad. The anti-beast and anti-phantasmal bonuses were nothing to scoff at. The taming part was less useful—what was he supposed to do, start a Palworld ranch? He didn't have capture balls. And the risk of backlash? No, thanks.

Easier just to turn them into EXP, meat, and crafting materials.

With that, Guinevere scrolled down to the bottom of the update, where he saw something that nearly made him leap to his feet—if not for Bavanzi and Artoria walking right behind him.

[All of the above are enhanced skill effects granted within the simulation by "March of Triumph".]

[Upon simulation completion, you will receive a number of special draws based on total victory count. These draws will only pull from the skills obtained via "March of Triumph", and duplicates will not occur.]

If not for the company, Guinevere might have screamed with joy.

Holy crap. Delicious.

Previously, simulated skills were never guaranteed to carry over to reality—you had to wait for end-of-run draws, like that one time he challenged Fairy Lancelot a hundred thousand times in the auction house sim and nearly passed out from exhaustion. He'd earned a few skills then, but they were still labeled (Fake) and hadn't even gone away yet.

But now—now, "March of Triumph" meant that, as long as he racked up enough wins, he could pull these insane skills into real life?

That's nuts. He was practically itching to get back in-game now.

[Because "March of Triumph" shares some of its momentum with your party, their growth has also increased significantly. After this month of training, your allies have seen considerable improvements. Would you like to view their details?]

Without hesitation, Guinevere selected "Yes."

[After ingesting large amounts of blood daily, Bavanzi's base stats have increased. Her current attributes are as follows:]

[Strength: A]

[Endurance: B]

[Agility: A]

[Mana: B]

[Luck: D]

[Due to frequent combat, Bavanzi's Noble Phantasm, "Blood Devil's Mighty Blood," has leveled up.]

[Noble Phantasm: Blood Devil's Mighty Blood]

[Originally the lone Blood Devil who formed a bond of family with a Chainsaw Boy—this Noble Phantasm is forged from the blood she offered in that pact.]

[Noble Phantasm Rank: B]

[Noble Phantasm Type: Anti-Personnel]

[Upon acquiring this NP, the user forms a contract with the Blood Devil, gaining a portion of its powers.]

[The user's blood production greatly increases. They may freely control their own blood, shaping it into solid weapons.]

[At higher NP ranks, its range expands. Against enemies with low magic resistance, it can extract blood directly from their bodies for external control.]

[Furthermore, the user may fully liquefy into blood, then reconstitute their body to heal all injuries. If harmed in blood form, they can absorb others' blood to restore themselves—so long as they aren't completely destroyed.]

…Damn.

Guinevere's eyes widened. Bavanzi's new stats were no joke.

She was now head and shoulders above him. Add in the improved mechanics and that terrifying NP, and she wasn't just strong—she was reliable. If she was a third-rate Servant before, now she was easily a top-tier among second-rates.

Could it be? Was our goofy Bavanzi finally standing up for real?

If this Noble Phantasm did all it said, Guinevere wouldn't need to worry about her safety at all—in fact, her blood manipulation could give him a significant edge.

[Meanwhile, since you and Bavanzi handled the brunt of the enemies, Artoria didn't engage in many direct battles. However, she used the time to craft a wide variety of magical tools, many of which proved helpful during the month of combat.]

[Due to the sheer number of tools, a full list will not be shown.]

Hah. She's full-on Doraemon now.

Guinevere mused to himself. A complete role reversal from past simulations—where Artoria had been a powerful frontliner and Bavanzi the sidekick—now Artoria was their support-class engineer, while Bavanzi took up the sub-DPS role.

He tried to check Oberon's panel, but was met with a familiar, frustrating message:

[Due to class-specific traits, this individual's data cannot be viewed.]

Yep. Figures. Pretender-class. No wonder.

[Though your team gained great strength over the month in the Vein Corridor, the constant pull of the Treasure Magnet Shield gradually lured in and wiped out all nearby Phantasmal Species.]

[After several days without encounters, your party agreed to resurface and determine your current location.]

[You found a path to the surface and emerged to find yourselves near Salisbury.]

[Artoria suggested visiting the local lord, Aurora, to request permission to ring the city's Bone Bell—an important ritual step. Even if denied, the party hoped to gain resources or transport from her.]

[Shortly after, you reached Salisbury. Thanks to Oberon's connections, you met with Aurora. Yet, surprisingly, her expression shifted when she saw you.]

[She welcomed you warmly. Even more surprising, when Artoria requested permission to ring the Bell of Prophecy, Aurora agreed without hesitation—no tests, no quests, no plague removal conditions.]

[However, she insisted that Artoria first bathe and offer incense, to approach the ritual in utmost sincerity.]

…What?

Guinevere frowned. Aurora? That cooperative?

And what's this bathing and incense nonsense? That wasn't part of the ritual before...

Something's not right.

[You complied, but remained cautious. You and your companions drank Artoria's custom antidotes beforehand, just in case.]

[The ritual proceeded without issue. Aside from Aurora's obsession with etiquette, nothing was amiss. Artoria successfully rang the first Bone Bell. Her stats improved to the following:]

[Strength: B]

[Agility: C]

[Endurance: B]

[Mana: C]

[Luck: A]

…Wait, what?!

Guinevere blinked. Weren't Artoria's base stats all E at the start, just like his? Even after a full month of grinding, his stats weren't this high!

Then he opened her traits panel and understood immediately.

"Saint Sword Fairy"—he already knew about that. But what he hadn't paid attention to was another trait: "Boar Clan."

It flat-out boosted Strength and Endurance and raised their cap.

Guinevere fell into silence.

No wonder she never took that trait off, despite all the teasing from Bavanzi. That buff was just too good.

[Yet just as you were about to celebrate Artoria's success... something changed.]

[Two uninvited guests arrived.]

"I've found you."

Descending from the sky—Fairy Lancelot.

Guinevere's face froze. But that wasn't the worst of it.

"I agreed to help you kill this human named Guinevere. That was our deal... wasn't it?"

Heavy footsteps echoed from below. A tall beastkin climbed the stairs behind them, blocking the exit.

It was none other than the Fang Clan chieftain—Woodworth.