Come Back

He didn’t mind that his sweater was stretching, and he gently pulled up the sleeves to grab higher on his arm. Still with a thoughtful expression, he hunched his back, and Choi Hong-seo wrapped her arms around his neck. Even though the force of her pull was weak, he bent his body as she tugged. When she tightly embraced his neck, she finally felt like a person again, like she could breathe and that the blood was flowing through her veins.

“The members will be practicing, so they’ll probably come back only in the early morning.”

“……”

“Don’t go.”

He slowly lifted his head, and his warm eyes, filled with pity and affection, looked down at her. Had he ever looked at that puppy he used to care for with such eyes?

A sense of impending doom surged in her chest, and she grew anxious, as if she could never meet his eyes again. They say that when you’re sick, your heart weakens too, so maybe that’s why. This intense anxiety, as if she couldn’t be apart from him…

“You’re not going, right?”

The fact that she had made such a bold request, saying “Don’t go,” surprised her, but what really surprised her was the cleverness of her question—“You’re not going, right?”—realizing that she had been acting like a fox, as people often say. She had never acted so spoiled toward Lee Hye-seong before, not before or after.

Finally, the traces of worry disappeared from his face, replaced by a soft, warm smile that was like cream.

“How could I go? My baby says she likes me so much.”

In the end, he climbed fully onto the bed and lay next to her. As soon as he slid under the covers, Choi Hong-seo snuggled up to him. He chuckled softly and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her close. Several kisses landed on her forehead, temples, and hair.

“I’d love to take you to my house, let you rest for a few days, but… I can’t do that.”

His big hands moved up and down as he gently rubbed her shoulders. Still with his lips on her forehead, he spoke.

“When everyone’s asleep in the early morning, I’ll sneak out. Sleep well and get better soon, okay?”

Nodding, she burrowed deeper into the crook of his neck. She wrapped her arms around his solid, muscular upper body and squeezed his side tightly.

She didn’t want to fall asleep. She wanted to imprint this precious time with him fully in her memory. Yet, the exhaustion of her body gradually separated her from him, pulling her into a semi-conscious state. Outside the window, the rain had turned into a thunderstorm. A flash of lightning struck, as if the gods were scolding the corruption of humans on earth, followed by a thunderous roar, like the wrath of a god. Then, the raindrops came crashing against the window as if dozens of tons of sand were being poured all at once. It repeated several times.

His breathing. The steady rise and fall of his chest with each breath. The strong pulse in his body. The mix of the cleanser, aftershave, skin lotion, and his cologne—creating a scent like his very fingerprint.

He was so close. She could touch him, hold him, and be held by him. In this moment, it seemed there could be no clearer existence, yet it was hard to believe that such certainty could be destroyed. She couldn’t believe it, and didn’t want to believe it, so she pretended to sleep, burying her face in the crook of his neck. Hot tears, as warm as his body temperature, flowed, soaking into the skin between his cheek and hers. She hoped he wouldn’t notice, and as expected, he only kissed her forehead and gently shook her shoulder, not asking about the meaning of her tears.

The sound of rain seemed to fade, and she was slowly pulled into a deep, almost unconscious sleep.

When she woke with a jolt, as if falling from a cliff in a dream, the first thing she sought was Lee Hye-seong.

“……”

She saw his back, curled up tightly against the edge of the bed. The last memory before falling asleep was of them holding each other so tightly, as if they were one. But now, he was lying separately, without even a blanket over him.

As Choi Hong-seo reached out towards his back, she noticed that her clothes had been changed. It seemed that he had wiped her down again and replaced her sweat-soaked clothes. Yet, had she still been suffering from the fever without waking up?

She couldn’t help it; she wanted to pull him into her arms. She wanted to embrace him. She wanted to connect deeply with him in a way she had never done with anyone else—“the ordinary way”—and confirm their existence to each other.

She gently placed her fingertips on his back. Are you sleeping? And then, a question mark.

Just as she finished the question, his broad back shuddered lightly, and she heard a soft laugh.

“Why are you already up, squirming around? Go back to sleep.”

“Why… Hm, why… did you lie facing that way?”

Because of the fever, Choi Hong-seo’s voice was cracked, hoarse. Her voice, now low and trembling, created ripples in the calm, quiet air between them. A sudden tension filled the space.

After a brief silence, he answered.

“…I kept having distracting thoughts.”

“……”

“I thought I might fall into self-loathing.”

Choi Hong-seo continued drawing meaningless shapes on his back. She didn’t not understand what he meant by “distracting thoughts” and “self-loathing.”

“I’m not joking. You’re so sick you can’t even think straight… Ha… I feel guilty that I couldn’t control myself. I’m not the same person I was when you first stayed at my guest room.”

“……”

“While looking at you… I knew I couldn’t resist doing something inappropriate, so I’m lying here like this.”

Someone who had been treated like a piece of meat by so many was now someone trying to suppress their desires, tortured by guilt. This was love. She was happy to learn this now. She would not regret this happiness, no matter what, no matter what might come.

The rain was still pouring. The thunder and lightning seemed to have stopped, but through the window that wasn’t covered by blinds, she could still see the shadows of the rain streaking across.

Even curled up and turned to the side, his broad back seemed like a wide piece of stationery, a space where anything could be written.

I… look, Yo.

“You said you couldn’t resist looking at me.”

This time, slowly and without lifting her fingers, she drew a big heart.

“You said not to provoke you?”

His voice sounded stern, almost angry, but she found it amusing.

Kiss, kiss…

=3=

She added an emoticon that she usually used when being playful in messages. It was a kissy face, one of his favorite emoticons.

“Did you sleep well, sir? Oh, yes, my baby is sleeping well too. We need to sleep so we get better soon.”

Her laughter grew slightly louder than before, as he gave an intentionally wrong answer, acting nonchalant.

Her slender, long fingers crept again across Lee Hye-seong’s back.

I… want to sleep… with you, sir…

“Ah… this is too easy.”

Before she could finish the sentence, he already tried to guess her words.

“I love you, sir. Please marry me.”

Although it was another incorrect guess, Choi Hong-seo couldn’t laugh this time. There was no laughter, and the hand that had been gently scratching his back stopped moving. Finally, he turned his body and glanced over his shoulder at her.

“Why? Isn’t it right? Was it wrong?”

She looked at his profile, which was clearly outlined by the faint light coming through the window.

“You can’t… marry me…”

“……”

She spoke in a tone that seemed almost like a sulking child, realizing her own words. The moment she turned her head in regret, he sat up.

“Why can’t you do it?” You said so yourself. I can do anything.”

His voice was not calm either. It sounded like he was suppressing his anger, but of course, it wasn’t anger directed at Choi Hong-seo.

It seemed like he had said something unnecessary, so Choi Hong-seo, who had been mumbling while looking elsewhere, cautiously turned his gaze back to him.

I didn’t know any other way to seduce him, a more sophisticated or purer way. I gently stroked his arm resting on the sheet, the arm with the knit sleeve rolled up to below the elbow, and loosely pulled it. He pulled back the blanket, revealing his body that he had dried in front of him.

“Until marriage, I won’t be greedy about such things…”

“You’re unbelievable.”

Furrowing his brow, he mounted Choi Hong-seo’s body like a swift beast pouncing on its prey. His eyes gleamed as he grabbed both wrists, pinning them to the pillow and looking down. Even though it seemed like he could devour the person lying beneath him at any moment, he was still fighting with his own conscience. His conscience, which he would describe as ‘self-loathing,’ told him he couldn’t lay a hand on his beloved who was lying there in pain.

Choi Hong-seo turned his head and kissed the inside of his wrist where he was pressing down. She rubbed her nose against his and then against his cheek.

“I know you’re hurting.” Even though I’m hurting… Me too… When you’re next to me, I think about those things. More than just having a fever from being sick… It gets hotter. Me too.

Sigh…

With a deep sigh, his head drooped heavily. Without pressing down on Choi Hong-seo, he floated in the air and sat, slowly leaning his upper body downwards. He pressed his lips to her forehead and the tip of her nose, then moved down to her lips, kissing her as if taking her temperature, and remained still for a while. It was Choi Hong-seo who first licked his lips with her hot tongue.

“If you end up having to perform on stage while sick…” How am I supposed to deal with that sense of self-loathing?

“I’ve performed on stage many times even when I was sick.”

Even while talking, I kept licking his lips. Perhaps because he had been nursing while pretending to sleep, his lips were rough and dry. He gazed intently at Choi Hong-seo through his half-closed eyelids.

“It’s not different from being because of me.”

“I… It seems like it would be good.

“……”

“Because of the uncle, I stood on stage in pain, and everyone saw me like that…”

His lips slowly parted. The tongue that emerged in between licked the back of Choi Hong-seo’s tongue, whispering deeply and sweetly.

“Who is Choi Hong-seo’s lover?”

“Hmm…”

“Who are you sleeping with?”

“Ugh, yeah.”

“Everyone is watching.”

Pressing her tongue against his, she wrapped her lips around his thicker tongue and sucked gently, causing Choi Hong-seo’s breathing to quicken.

“Can you show me… After sleeping with the uncle and getting hurt, I wish everyone could see it.

Hmm… He groaned heavily, his face contorted as if feeling pain from a deep wound. Finally, his penis, which was pressing gently on Choi Hong-seo’s lower abdomen, had also become bulging and heavy.