Maybe The Day He Died

I feel like puking Wait what I'm doing, where I'm, Am going to after life ?

Is that my soul slipping through my body ?The last thing I Remember is drowing in the river, it was peaceful, dark and beautiful.. Where I'm now ?

Ohh I see light , it's getting brighter and brighter and why I'm feeling cold , aren't dead supposed to be numb of the weather around them ?

Why do I feel like someone is touching me I opened my eyes , lying on the riverbank while a person is pressing my stomach so roughly aghhh it hurts But water's coming out of my mouth so I guess it's necessary, who's this guy ?Why I'm still alive ? Where tf I'm?Why I'm not dead?Why u saved me ?I'm supposed to be dead then why u fucking saved me, Why u brought me back to this life of suffering again ? Why why why Slowly I started to regain consciousness. I stood a lil and sitted That guy who saved my life is saying something. I can't hear him , what did he want? I can't understand him either what's going on ,my heads spinning like a whirlpoolaahhh I hate humans They won't even let me die peacefully, even when I was supposed to be dead..I heard his voice echoing throughout my head ...Hey!!! hey !!!! are u fine ? Can u hear me ?? Are u alive??? Hey!!!!say something that guy is shouting in front of my face .Wait up I'm not deaf u assholeI started speaking lil by lil

He told me he's a local, who just heard something thrown in the river and so he went to help and it took me 4 hours to get my consciousness back.He helped me to stand up ,I feel shit I feel like I've been sick for an year or so and have no energy to do anything,I stood up , started walking a lil till I feel better

Then that guy took me to the accident site and asked me to go to the hospital and he can't come because he's late for his night shift for Saving a guy who's drowing

I felt bad for him , He skipped his work to save a suicidal guy what a pity but nvm I don't have anything to give him except my broken phone, my empty wallet and a Diary which is tuged in my pants, so I just thanked him for Saving my life which is the last thing I wanted

And from as far I saw few cops around the bridge from where I have fallen , there were many people around and many workers, they pulled my bike via crane and my parents were standing there

My dad holded my mom while she's crying. Should I go and see them ? Should I tell them that I'm safe and alive,?

What should I do aggh this is so mind fucking

I don't wana feel this bad on my last day ... why do I feel so bad. I love my parents I really do but I don't wana spend my last day restricted from doing what I want to do , being protected and never let near the danger, I want to do whatever I couldn't or atleast feel the whole beauty of this world before I leave it. I know many people will say what an asshole I'm for not letting Know my parents that I'm alive to free then from their suffering a little but why ? Why should I tell them that I'm alive just to die again in front of them again don't you think that would be a lot cruel. Well for me it is so I just moved away looked the other side and decided not to look back at their faces because It's already too hard for me to go like that if I looked back I don't know what will I do and On my last day I don't wana do something that will haunt me in after life "I Lived My Life For Them , For This World, For My Friends Nd Family, For Her and now I just Wana Die for Myself "