Deadpool Reincarnated: Chaos and Blades in the World of KonoSuba

Sir Kaelan's words fell into the courtroom with the weight of polished steel. Every eye, noble, judge, and defendant, snapped to him. He was the Captain of the Royal Knights, a man whose honor was as renowned as his skill with a blade. His intervention was not just an interruption; it was a seismic event that shook the very foundations of the proceedings.

Duke Salis, who looked moments away from banishing the entire party to a remote salt mine, turned his sour glare on the knight. "Captain Kaelan. This is highly irregular. You were their escort, not a character witness. What possible error could this court be making?"

"The error," Kaelan said, his voice calm and measured as he stepped into the center of the hall, "is one of perspective. You are attempting to judge a storm with the laws that govern a sunny day."

He turned his gaze upon Kazuma's party. It was not a look of friendship or approval. It was the cold, analytical stare of a master strategist assessing a weapon.

"I will not stand here and profess the innocence of these individuals," Kaelan began, his words crisp and clear. "They are, without question, a public menace. The one in red is a chaotic agent of unparalleled insolence. The arch-priest is arrogant and largely ineffective. The crusader is… tactically unorthodox." He gave Darkness a look that was a mixture of pity and confusion. "And their leader is a craven opportunist. By all conventional metrics, they are the worst adventuring party I have ever had the misfortune of observing."

Kazuma felt his soul shrivel. This was not the defense he had been hoping for. Darkness, however, looked flattered.

"However," Kaelan continued, and the entire room leaned in, "my duties took me to the town of Axel before I escorted them here. I interviewed the guards. I spoke to the guild master. I reviewed the events surrounding the confrontation with the Demon King's General, Beldia." He gestured toward the Dullahan, who stiffened at being made the subject of this analysis.

"Our kingdom's forces are the finest in the world," Kaelan stated, his voice ringing with pride. "But we are trained to fight armies. We are trained for sieges, for pitched battles, for honorable combat. The Demon King's Generals are not honorable. They are aberrations. They command strange powers, follow twisted logic, and thrive on terror and chaos. To fight an aberration, you cannot always use conventional soldiers."

He then pointed a gauntleted finger directly at Deadpool.

"You must sometimes use another aberration."

A shocked murmur went through the court. Lord Veridian's face went purple with rage. Beldia looked even more humiliated than when his head was being used as a hand puppet.

"The Dullahan, Beldia, is a creature of immense physical power and a curse that guarantees death," Kaelan explained, his voice like a professor's. "A standard knightly squadron would have been decimated. But this party… this party did not engage him with standard tactics. They employed what can only be described as a strategy of weaponized psychological degradation. They did not attack his body; they attacked his dignity. They rendered his power meaningless by refusing to acknowledge its rules."

He looked at Duke Salis. "He was not defeated. He was so thoroughly humiliated that retreat was his only viable option. They won a victory for this kingdom not with swords, but with an overwhelming assault of pure, unadulterated nonsense. It was tactically unsound, deeply unprofessional, and horrifyingly effective."

Deadpool wiped a single, fake tear from his eye. He sniffled loudly. "He gets me," he whispered to Kazuma. "He really, truly gets me. I think I'm in love."

"As for the destruction of Lord Veridian's estate," Kaelan went on, his face grim, "it is an unacceptable act of wanton destruction. There is no defense for it."

Lord Veridian's smug look returned.

"But," Kaelan added, his voice like iron, "it was the catalyst. It was the act that drew the General out of his fortress and into a confrontation. A confrontation he lost. An enemy outpost was neutralized. An enemy general was repelled. A border town remains secure. The cost was one nobleman's summer home. From a strategic military perspective, Your Honor… it was an acceptable loss."

The courtroom was in an uproar. The argument was outrageous, offensive to every noble in the room, and yet, from a cold, military standpoint, it was undeniable. Sir Kaelan, the paragon of order, was making a logical case for chaos.

Duke Salis sat there, his face a thundercloud. He was trapped. He could not ignore the testimony of his most respected Royal Knight. To do so would be an insult to the military that protected the very nobles screaming in his courtroom. But he could not simply let the party go free after they admitted to blowing up a lord's mansion.

He slammed his gavel down, the sound cracking through the din. "SILENCE!"

The hall fell quiet. The Duke glared at the party, his eyes burning with frustration.

"This has been the most irregular trial in the history of this kingdom," he spat. "Captain Kaelan's… perspective… has been noted." He shot a look at the knight that promised a very long, very unpleasant debriefing later. "Therefore, the court will show a measure of leniency."

"The charges of treason and public endangerment are dismissed. However, the fact of the destruction of private property remains. A crime was committed, regardless of the outcome."

He pointed his gavel at Kazuma. "Your party will be held liable for the full cost of replacing Lord Veridian's villa and all of its contents. The sum is estimated at three hundred and forty million Eris."

Kazuma's jaw dropped. The number was so astronomically high it didn't even seem real. All their earnings, all their treasure, everything they had, it was a drop in the ocean compared to that.

"All of your current assets and future quest earnings will be seized by the state until this debt is paid in full," the Duke declared. "You are free to go. But you are now the most indebted adventuring party on this continent. Now, get out of my sight."

They were escorted out of the courtroom, not as prisoners, but as paupers. The nobles glared at them as they passed. Lord Veridian shot them a look of smug, victorious hatred.

Outside, in the grand marble hallway, Sir Kaelan stood waiting for them.

"My testimony has kept you from a prison cell," he said, his voice cold and devoid of warmth. "Do not mistake that for an endorsement. You are a chaotic, unpredictable weapon. And weapons belong on the frontier, not in the capital." He looked them over one last time. "Pay your debt. Stay out of trouble. And try not to blow up anything else of importance."

He turned to leave.

"Hey! Knight-Man!" Deadpool called out. Kaelan paused, turning back reluctantly.

"Thanks for the glowing performance review," Deadpool said with a grin in his voice. "You're my new favorite character witness. By the way, what size socks do you wear? I feel like you're a merino wool kind of guy. Very practical, but with a surprising softness."

Sir Kaelan just stared at him for a long moment, then shook his head slowly and walked away without another word.

The party stood there in the opulent hallway, free, infamous, and utterly, hopelessly broke. Their grand victory had ended not with a bang, but with a bill. The first arc of their adventure was over. They had survived monsters, demons, and the legal system, but now they faced the most terrifying foe of all: crippling debt.